Sometimes in life we lose something. A person, a relationship, a dream... Whatever is gone leaves a void inside us. And we, as humans, want to fill that void immediately. Because void is scary. It seems like an abyss that we dare not look into. So we quickly cover it with other things; another person, another job, another dream. But this effort does not fill that void. In fact, sometimes it makes it bigger.
When you lose someone, when you break up or when your paths are forcibly separated, what they create in us is unique. That relationship, that bond, is special to them and no matter what you do, you cannot find the same feeling with anyone else. It is difficult to face this, to accept it. But this is where the real healing begins. When you love that emptiness, when you start to make sense of it…
Why Is It So Hard to Try to Fill the Void?
The emptiness that comes after loss creates a deep reflection within us. Because this emptiness reminds us how unique the thing we love is. It shows us that we cannot replace it with something else, that we cannot replace it with something else. It is like comparing a flower with its absence to another flower... No matter how beautiful another flower we find, it is not the same as the first. And this difference squeezes our heart.
But we don't have to fill the void right away. In fact, we should stop filling it. Maybe we should accept it as it is, and love the void itself. Because losses always leave a memory. And that memory grows inside us. As we remember, as we think, the void of the person we love begins to make sense.
Accept the Void
Rainer Maria Rilke says, “Love all the deadlock.” “Live with unanswered questions. Because living with questions means allowing those questions to become answers one day.” Emptiness is like a question mark… Instead of trying to answer it right away, we should learn to live in that question for a while. Yes, that emptiness hurts us, but it also makes us grow.
When you lose someone, love their emptiness. It's not easy. But accepting the emptiness is actually accepting the love you have for the person you love. Because what you love is not just their presence, but also the emptiness they now leave.
The Transformative Power of Emptiness
Psychologist Carl Jung says that confronting our inner darkness transforms us. A separation, a loss, leaves a darkness inside us. But this darkness also opens up a space. A space where we can learn something new, where we can find aspects of ourselves that we have not discovered… People grow with these gaps. The gap can be a beginning, not an end.
When you start living with the void instead of filling it, that void expands you. The space that opens up when your loved one leaves gains meaning over time. That void allows you to become a deeper person.
In The Myth of Sisyphus , Albert Camus says that we should not be afraid to face the meaninglessness of life. Because meaning comes from us creating it. The emptiness we feel when we lose someone feels like meaninglessness. But when we look into that emptiness, we see an opportunity to create meaning.
Poet Rainer Maria Rilke says this about loneliness and emptiness:
“Loneliness is an opportunity to grow.”
And Rumi explains the power of loss as follows:
“If you lose something, be patient after that, because patience brings back what you lost in a different shape and form.”
Loss creates voids in us. But this void actually begins to be filled in a different part of our lives. It creates a different meaning, a different beauty.
Loving the Void
Loving the void is loving the mark left by what you have said goodbye to. That mark becomes a part of you. And in time, that void ceases to be a wound; it becomes a memory, a meaning, a place of growth. Only when one accepts these gaps does one truly expand.
Remember, emptiness can be scary, but it is also creative. Don't rush to fill your emptiness. Give it a chance. Because that emptiness will reshape your life. And in that emptiness, you will find your own power.
I wrote this article for everyone who has experienced a loss in their life. If you feel a void, please try to make peace with it. Because that void can be a beginning for you.
With longing for my horse Socrates, who created the most beautiful void in my life…
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